But... I hate needles!

Anyone that knows me, knows that I'm the biggest baby when it comes to needles. I'll do anything I can to avoid an injection or iv. So considering my needle phobia, what would push me to voluntarily sign up to not only be stuck with a needle, but to let someone remove a portion of my blood?! The answer- I have no idea.

I've frequently seen the blood drive mobiles sitting outside of stores and businesses. I have always wanted the courage to go in and donate blood to help others. I have O+ blood, so several types can receive blood from me. I've always let that fear of needles prevent me from doing such a selfless act. I am on a journey of self discovery, and in staying true to that I am working on getting rid of fear. I will never fully be fearless, I don't think. Some sense of fear is healthy for me. (Guy with candy and a van? No thanks!) My goal is to try enough new things that are out of my comfort zone, to eliminate THAT fear. Fear of the unknown.

Walking inside of a store to grab a couple of things, I spot the blood mobile. I don't give it more than a glance before walking past it into the store like I usually do. On the way out I walk by the bus, and see a sign by the door that says "this one donation could save the lives of 3 people." Something strange happened when I read that sign- I reached out an opened the door to the bus. Immediately I was hit with a wave of "hospital smell", that antiseptic, chemically clean aroma that you can only associate with medical procedures. The scent brought me to reality and I immediately felt my panic mode up to full alert! The woman inside wasted no time telling me to "come on in." I wanted to turn and shut the door and walk away, but something about seeing others in the bus made me feel like that would be selfish. So I got on the bus.

Waiting nervously I try not to look over to where there are a couple of women having their blood drawn. I knew seeing the needles and the blood would not be beneficial to my current level of anxiety. The woman calls me over to the desk to do the paperwork and asks if I had donated before. I stated that I haven't. She asks me what made me decide to donate today. I had to think about that for a second- why today? I blurted out the first thought I had- I'm on a path of self discovery, and this seems like such a small thing that could be so helpful. I want to try and overcome my fear to help others in a way that doesn't involve overwhelming myself. She smiled at me, and told me that it was a wonderful thought. She continued through the entire process, commenting on how amazing it is that I would try to learn more about myself and my limits. She seemed to see something in me I didn't see yet.

A young man comes over to take me to the donation bed, and I can feel my anxiety rise even more. He asks what I've eaten today, and tells me to just lay back and focus on something else. I stare at the wallpaper on my phone, an image someone had sent me. I begin thinking about things other than the task at hand, even while I feel the iodine being applied to my arm. He informs me that he's ready to stick my arm, and my mind responds my immersing myself in happy thoughts and memories. I barely notice the stick, and finally began to calm down.

During the collection process I find myself thinking so many things. Who would this blood help? Would it save a life? While I have been so concerned with one little stick- how many sticks, procedures, treatments etc. do the people that need this blood endure? Was this so painful that I couldn't do it again? I begin to feel a little lightheaded as I get to the end of collection. Normal they say when your body loses blood. The man tells me that I'm finished and removes the needle. I apply pressure and wait as he bandages up the donation site. Complete with hot pink compression gauze (how did he know I wanted pink?!)

At the end of the session, I am handed souvenirs- water bottle, t-shirt, a sticker... But the best gift is received in my mind and my soul. I overcame a fear. I did something to help others, regardless of the anxiety it caused me. I feel complete, like I did something amazing. The medical field relies on donors to stock the banks so they can save lives. If everyone worried about that one little stick, it would be pretty devastating to humanity. This alone is enough to be empowering; paired with my fear of needles and of the unknown I feel on top of the world!